|
Steamboats.com is proud to feature the Steamboats Parenting Workshop. We offer resources to help parents raise happy, addiction-free kids.  Family Profile - Find out where your family stands in these categories: fun, decisions, pride, values, caring, communication and confidence. Click here (at this site, posted 14 Aug. 2). Grant A Wish - Take an hour or two each week to do exactly what your child desires without interruptions or distractions, even if they want to play a game you hate or build block towers and then knock them all down. Start and end each day with "I love you" - We often think we show our love for our children through our actions, but kids want and need to be told that they're loved. - Parenting Tips from Parents.com 16 May 04 What to Tell Your Children about Abu Ghraib During the Bill Clinton impeachment everybody was shouting "What do we tell our children about what this president did?" Now the call has been renewed: "What do we tell our children about what the U.S. military did?" Here are some suggestions. Tell them that sometimes sex is used to hurt people and that is what happened in Abu Ghraib. Tell them that sex is a powerful force, and like any power, people can use it for good or for evil. Tell them that these things can only go on in secret because if people know about it, then it must stop. Tell them that you hope the U.S. military has stopped this abuse now that it's out in the open. Further, tell them that the U.S. Congress others are investigating this and that hopefully they will get to the bottom of it. If you want to expand the conversation, you can explain that war brings out the worst in people. To prevent these abuses from ever happening again, the world must work toward better ways to resolve problems and protect the country than having wars. Tell them about other war atrocities, such as the Nazi concentration camps of World War II, the huge loss of life during World War I and the Civil War. Explain to them that the abuse in Abu Gharaib is yet another manifestation of war's terrible legacy of pain and suffering. Encourage your children to learn to practice peace in their own lives, by learning to share and cooperate, to speak up for themselves, and solve interpersonal problems through talking. Emotional acting out and violence never solve anything, because there's always some repercussion that just makes things worse. After 9/11, the children's book writers at Write4Kids.com published the following editorial: Get Back to Work -- Our Children Need You One of the most common refrains we hear is "I really want to write a children's book, but I don't know what to write about." I hope not to hear that comment again for a long, long time. As children's writers, we have a new mission. It is our job to provide parents and children with the tools they need to understand the world that was born on September 11. To give hope amid hopelessness. To calm fears in a frightening time. To explain the inexplicable. Happy stories about cute animals and colorful alphabet books will always have their place -- and we'll still be here to help you write them. But now there's so much more involved with being a children's writer. In the weeks, months and years ahead, parents and young people will seek answers in the shelves of libraries and bookstores. They're looking for insight. They're looking for comfort. They're looking for a perspective that will help them make sense of what's happened, and what may happen tomorrow. So start writing again. Write about the nature of evil -- and the nature of love. Write about hatred and tolerance. Write about bravery in the face of tough times.Write about breaking the cycle of bloodshed, and of reaching out to others. Write about ordinary people in extraordinary times. Write about a world in which hope cannot be stolen by cowards. Get to work. You're needed. Why are Teenagers Misunderstood? Hi Nori, i have to do a 2 min speech on why teenagers are misunterstood could u please help me on this speech i cannot understand why teenagers are misunderstood by the older generation. -M Hi M., Thank you for your question. We were all teenagers once and we may have felt misunderstood. I know I did, but not all teenagers are misunderstood. The statistics run like this: 25% of teenagers feel extremely misunderstood and the years between twelve and twenty are a tumultuous time. They experience a high level of confusion and may act out self-destructive experiences using family, friends, sex, drugs, depression, suicide attempts, running away from home, joining gangs or hanging with other mixed-up teenagers; joining cults, or getting in trouble with the law. 25% of teenagers experience milder problems. They still feel misunderstood, but act it out in less dramatic ways. 50% of teenagers go through the teen years easily, while experiencing only the typical problems of dating anxiety, acne, sibling rivalry, fighting with parents for their independence - wanting to use the car, wanting a bigger allowance, more freedom, etc. So when you say "teenagers are misunderstood," you're basically talking only about twenty-five to fifty percent of teenagers. So what is the difference between the half who are misunderstood and the half who seem to fit in well and progress with little or no problem? The teen years represent the most difficult transition in the human life cycle. At eleven years old we are dependent children, but by age eighteen, we are expected to become self-sufficient adults. It is a huge challenge. All life cycles pose challenges, for example in mid-life, most people go from having teenagers in the home to an empty nest. Parents face choices to revive dormant careers, rediscover romance in the marriage, or fill their lives with new interests. Retirement and the final years of life provide different challenges. However, the teen years stand out as the most difficult transition a person goes through in their entire lifetime. Plus, they have to do it when they're young and without much knowledge of the real world. A supportive and loving family is the best possible environment for someone making this journey. The 25% who have the worst time usually feel misunderstood. They have a difficult time fitting into their family. Stress is the most common reason for this. Severe trauma, such as a divorce, death of a parent or other close loved one, incest, family violence, poor boundaries, adultery, financial problems, or a traumatic relocation can take away the child's trust and put them in the category of being misunderstood. Sometimes the child has a genuine reason to stop trusting the family, or sometimes they just misinterpret the family's intentions. If there's a divorce, for example, the parents may have been taking care of their own self-centered needs, never intending to hurt their children. The parents misunderstand the child, because they failed to notice how their child was reacting to their divorce. They saw the child as an object, like a doll, when actually the child felt resentful, unworthy, and unloved. Trauma may affect each child differently. For example, in a family with two children eighteen and fourteen, say that the father loses his job and they must move to another state where he can find employment. The oldest child may see this as a good thing because she finds a desirable college in the new location, while the second child may see this as a tragedy because she is forced to leave her close friends. The oldest child will feel accepted and understood. The second child may repress her feelings and become depressed, go on drugs, and take thirty years to work it out. If the family really understood their second child, they might try to help her with counseling, they might show her how to get involved in new social circles and hobbies, and they might help her visit and stay in contact with her old friends. Adults cannot understand how deeply separation from friends can hurt a teenager, so they just misunderstand and think the child can adapt easily to anything the parents put into her life. When you say that teenagers are misunderstood, I would say that it means parents overlook their teenagers' feelings. I hope this helps. Sincerely, Nori A word about the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks from GoodThings.com "Your Guide to Good" The Wisdom of Children A San Francisco kindergarten teacher learned a simple truth from her students on September 11. Fellow GoodLetter readers, I am a kindergarten teacher in San Francisco, California. When I got the horrific news on that bleak, foggy San Francisco day -- September 11, 2001, I wearily dragged myself into work. My old friend works in the World Trade Center, and my thoughts were of him and the thousands of other victims. Most of my students did not know what had happened. As they filed in line looking for direction, the next would be to come from where they had begun. Within five minutes of school being in session, schools in San Francisco were closed. Parents came both calmly and frantically to pick up their students. As the last child was picked up I thought about how the class would be the next day if there was school. The next morning, I went to work and tried to hide my feelings of sadness until DeVonte came to me with big brown watering eyes and said, "I miss those people in the airplane." I decided to show my emotion and let tears run down my face because I knew my students deserved to see my true emotions. We went inside and formed a circle. We have a community circle every morning where we talk about ideas of positive behavior and our thoughts and hardships of everyday life. Our circle that morning became an outlet for each student to share what they felt about the recent tragedy. I listened to all they had to say, and then we went around the circle again. I had them share something positive about someone in their lives. We have made the week into appreciation of family. I told them, "Everyday, tell your family how much they mean to you. Tell them 'I love you!'" Some are still drawing pictures of the crash, but most are celebrating the life and appreciation they have for their families. It has been a hard week on us all. We have dedicated two minutes each day to be completely silent and send love to those who have lost their lives and to those who have lost their loved ones. When the alarm goes off, each child stands in momentary silence, closes her or his eyes, and "sends loves." It is truly magical to see 20 five-year-olds intently closing their eyes, some praying, some meditating, and some just with eyes wide open, their truth and wisdom before us sending all the love they can to people they don't even know. They have come to expect the alarm to signal at 10:15. With love, peace, and friendship to all races and religions, Marisa Martinez San Francisco, California Parenting through Crisis: Helping Kids in Times of Loss, Grief and Change Barbara Coloroso Ten Talks Parents Must Have With Their Children About Violence by Dominic Cappello More books for coping with the Sept. 11 tragedy, click here How to Communicate with Teens Hi Nori, I am currently taking my first year social work problem and am writing a paper on how to work with teens with behavior problems. I am having a difficult time finding information on how to talk to teens. I was wondering if you would have some suggestions on how to find information and if you yourself had any suggestions for me. It would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for your time. - T.L. Hi T.L., That's a good question. Too often there is a huge communication gap between adults and their children. I believe the best way to talk to teens is through art projects. Once they've created an object to represent their dilemma it's much easier to talk about. I always found art a good way to communicate with teenagers. It also works well for younger children. But if you just want to "talk" to a teen without anything like art, music, hobbies, etc., in the mix, here are a few ideas. It may be easier to talk to teens if you imagine that you are talking to a grandparent or another respected older person. Speaking to an elderly person may also seem awkward, but for most of us it's easier to imagine what we might say to an older person. There is still a generation gap, but by imagining a different kind of relationship, we can take our mind off the teen's unapproachable, hormone-ridden aura. They are, after all, just people like everyone else. They may be oozing with attitude, but like everybody else, they usually want love, acceptance, friendship and respect. Our young folks are carbon copies of our ancestors. Here are some good books on art therapy: Contemporary Art Therapy With Adolescents, by Shirley Riley. Creative Therapy With Children & Adolescents (Practical Therapist Series), by Angela M. Hobday, Kate Ollier. Creative Interventions for Troubled Children & Youth, by Liana Lowenstein. Something to Draw on: Activities and Interventions Using an Art Therapy Approach, by Carol Ross. Understanding Children's Drawings, by Cathy A. Malchiodi. Oaklander, V. Windows to Our Children A Gestalt Therapy Approach to Children and Adolescents. Lessons from Election 2000 I believe people should talk to their kids about the divisiveness in the country right now. What is it all about? What are the roots of these conficts and what can we learn from them? Help your children prepare for the adult world by sharing your own thoughts, but still encourage them to form their own opinions. Help children learn about their own history so that they may avoid repeating our mistakes in their own future. We encourage education and honesty for children, so they will be prepared to face the challenges of the future. A note to teens Avoid all chemical drugs, especially cigarettes, heroin and alcohol. Also, wait to smoke pot until you are an elderly person fighting glaucoma or some other old folk's malady. Eat organic food, watch Touched by an Angel reruns and have fun with your friends. Your generation may change the world someday -- be prepared. Here's a pamphlet from the Drug Policy Alliance for keeping kids off drugs (PDF file) click here. Opinion Teaching Children and Adolescents to Live a Healthy Life Deglamorize drug education. Start honest educational programs that treat drug use as a health issue. Teach children personal responsibility. Parents take a leadership role in their children's lives. Sponsor after-school library and recreational programs. Make drug laws fair. Justice should be the cornerstone of law. Why are children confused? They want consistency. Suggestions on How to Talk to Your Kids about President Clinton Tell them what you like or dislike about President Clinton, but let your children make up their own minds. Talk to them about Consequences If they ask you whether the president is guilty, or why he was punished so much (or not enough), explain the damage his affairs had on his family, reputation, how the impeachment marred his place in history, and so on. Tell them that the President may choose to learn from his mistakes, and lead a better life. However, sometimes people let devastating circumstances ruin them and they give into defeat, or become ego maniacs. Tell them that history will be watching to see how Clinton eventually turns out. Tell them that people have the opportunity to make things right up until the very end, when the story is over. Talk to them about Politics Tell your kids that America is a leader in the free world, and that many countries respect our unique blend of democratic and republican representation. We are prided for free elections, so some people who voted for Clinton feel resentful that the Republicans would dare to overturn the election. Other people feel President Clinton (just because of who he is) is tarnishing the office of the president, so therefore he is ruining our government. Tell your kids that in times of political struggle, emotions run high, because there is so much at stake. Tell them about other bumps in American history, and how the country has survived. Explain why you still believe in the American dream, and what they can do to become good citizens and help preserve the freedoms that the American founders envisioned. Talk to them about Morality People make decisions for a complex reasons. Help your child see the subtle shades of gray, instead of only absolute black and white. For more on this subject, link to Lawrence Kohlberg, a developmental psychologist who followed Jean Piaget in studying the way people make moral decisions. Talk to them about Mistakes Tell them that people sometimes make terrible mistakes that cause suffering for themselves and others, and that is basically what Clinton has done. Depending on your worldview, you might tell them that humans face decisions between good and evil at times, and that a bad decision can cause chaos until we resolve it. Explain what the President did and why it has caused such upheval in the news. Tell them why it's important to learn from mistakes without running away. Tell them about a loving and forgiving God, or higher power, who loves them even in their deepest shame, grief and regret. Teach them to find strength by believing that God loves every soul. Practice love in your own life. Talk to your kids about a time when you made a mistake that had consequences. Tell them how you got through it and what you learned. Maybe your children will share something they learned by making a mistake. By teaching kids how to learn from their mistakes, they will learn that human struggles build character. This may prevent later drug abuse, cult involvement, etc., because your child will learn to process their negative emotions instead of running away. Talk to them about Marriage Tell your kids what marriage has meant to you. If you've had a nuclear family situation throughout their upbringing, congratulations. Tell them what you think has made it successful. If you are in an alternative family form, explain to them what works for you, or what you would change. If you can talk frankly and constructively about your values, you will have a better chance of passing values along to your kids. Your words of wisdom will give them a frame of reference to view events. Many studies show that children listen to their parents, but you must speak. Sometimes (especially with teenagers), parents feel they lack much common ground, but if you open up an honest discussion, most teens are likely to respond in a positive way. Always talk to children with encouraging and hopeful words, since that will help them develop courage to face life. Talk to them about Sex If your kids ask questions about sex, talk to them honestly, even if you consider them too young to be asking. Some parents give their children books to answer their questions about sex and changes that will occur during adolescence. Two good books we've found are: What's Happening to my Body? for girls and the What's Happening to my Body? for boys or look in the family counseling aisle of your bookstore, or check the Amazon Bookstore at this website. Also, be aware of the symptoms of child abuse. If you suspect your child has been abused by someone inside the family, or by a stranger, it's important to get counseling as soon as possible. If you ignore abuse, your child faces a frightening adolescence and unhappy adulthood. Learn the symptoms of incest and child abuse and the traits of healthy families: link here. Steamboats Announces: Organic Food for Our Kids To offer a positive alternative for parents who wish to keep their children away from drugs (including prescription drugs), Steamboats.com has started the "Organic Food For Our Kids" campaign. Good nutrition and natural herbs can heal childhood emotional disturbances such as depression and hyperactivity, thus eliminating the need to give prescription drugs to children. Raising organic kids will reduce illegal drug use later on, too, because adolescents who care about their bodies will recognize the unhealthy nature of manufactured drugs like alcohol, commercial cigarettes, heroin, uppers, downers, and cocaine. They will be more open to listening when you talk to them about the ill effects of drugs. We urge parents to spend a little extra and drive a little further to obtain organic food for their families. Eating organic supports alternative grocery stores and organic farmers. It is the most effective way each of us can fight the trend toward genetic engineered, irradiated, and chemically toxic foods. Training the next generation to "Think Organic" from birth will produce a healthier world in the twenty-first century. In the spirit of the Holy Communion, the Passover Seder and the maha-offering at a Hindu temple, food can become a strong element in a family's daily spiritual traditions. Parents who take part in the Organic Food For Our Kids campaign show that they care about their children and the Earth. We urge parents to make good organic food a cornerstone of their family life. We offer links to books on parenting, and web sites dedicated to natural health, and drug-free alternatives for treating childhood hyperactivity. Feedback: Organic Food for our Kids "Dare to keep kids off drugs: Use herbs and eat organic food." --Guy Mount, Editor of Holy Smoke "I like the suggestion of good nutrition as helping to reduce self-destructive habits." - Dave Borden, Drug Policy Reform Network "The Steamboats organic food for children campaign sounds like a feasible and thoughtful way to way to plant strong, strong seeds for keeping kids off drugs. Combined with the other aspects of early childhood development (and of course, it's always the right time to start eating organic--no matter what the child's age), Steamboats can till the soil in the kids' hearts and minds for some beautiful life gardens later on. And it will be awe inspiring to watch as they share this legacy with the world." -- Gati Devi Moore "The concept is sound - in that parents that help their children learn to make good choices, succeed more often than not. But kids go through "rebellions" -- perhaps rebelling with a Snickers Bar would be better than with meth??? Of course." --Nora Callahan, November Organization exit |